Friday, November 12, 2010

Shunning

Have you ever been shunned?  Maybe from a person who said they were your friend, until you did something they didn't like?  Wouldn't you call this selfish and conditional friendship?  Wouldn't you even say it was judgmental?

Recently I came across a person from the church I formerly attended.  They were very cool and standoffish.  Other than "hi" their total body language was closed out.  Facing away from me, not looking at me... and even going over to hide behind a wall. 

When my husband and I left the former church we left on good terms with everyone.  Everyone knew that we were going to help a new church plant in a community near where we live.  I left the women's ministry and my husband the men's ministry. The night that we sat in services knowing that we were going to talk to the pastor about our decision (after much prayer) he announced from the pulpit that the youth/rodeo arena ministry person and his wife had  resigned that day!  The blood ran from my face when I realized we were going to be telling him the same thing that very night.  I sat there and wondered what God was doing in that church.

Since that time we have been working at the new church plant and loving every minute of it.  God is flowing, increasing numbers and changing lives. It is no doubt, where we are supposed to be.

We have kept wonderful friendships from our former church with everyone.  There were so many wonderful "family" members we knew that we were going to miss terribly.... but, we knew that we'd see them around~ and we have.  We've met them for dinner, gone hunting, shopping and visit all that we can uninhibited.  Without an ounce of judgment.

Until the day before yesterday.....

All I can say is wow.. I never expected such coldness from such a person.  I haven't a clue what I or my husband could have possibly done... but I know whatever it is, is killing them, not me... because I'm not aware of whatever it is.  When we left, they acted just fine and dandy...

In the past in dealing with this person (through our own experience and the experiences of others) we know that they are unwilling to talk or work things out with anyone who is in disagreement with them.  We tried.

And, so I can go in peace. 

4 comments:

I am His beloved said...

Peggy,
As much as I would like to say behavior like this from others doesn't rattle me, it does.
I pray you feel God's grace wash over you. You have such a beautiful joyous spirit. You are lovely and lovable. I pray the person who shunned you would know how loved they are too.
Thanks for sharing.

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry that happened to you. My very dear friend is dealing with something similar where people who are supposed to care for her are "shunning" her because they didn't agree with a decision she made. It makes you sort of feel like all the spiritual support they gave before was all fake.

May God continue to bless you and your husband right where you are...

Anonymous said...

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Linda said...

I had a special friendship with a lady from my church for over ten years. I thought it would last forever...and in fact she called me her forever friend. But one day as we went out to celebrate my birthday we had a disagreement. I told her that my kids and grandkids were now liking contemporary Christian music.
She asked me where my middle daughter and her family were going to church now? I told her they were looking for a family oriented church. This daughter and her hubby believe they are responsible for their children and they aren't fond of youth groups...but they know they have their place... But they feel the responsibility for guiding their own children. (Their kids always sat with them in Sunday school and church, and this friend thought this was wrong...and I disagreed.) But anyway, she snapped at me and said..."Well they just need to find a church and stay in it!" This hurt my feelings and I felt protective of my daughter. My daughter has lost three children and they are a wonderful Christian family who trust God and love Him with all their heart...and I told her I was not one bit worried about their spiritual condition.

After lunch I apologized for getting on my soapbox over what I believe. I later wrote her notes apologizing and knowing that I hadn't spoken the truth in love but was on the defensive. I also called to apologize but she didn't return my calls. I have invited her to my house and she never comes anymore. At church she is cold and avoids me. She is a deaconess and her husband is a deacon. He snubs me and my husband now too.

Well so much for being "forever friends"..she has written me off. It hurt for years...but I had to just accept it. I asked her and also God to forgive me. I know God did, but she evidently hasn't.

We love our church and have gone there for over 30 years. We live across the street and down the block from it, otherwise I might consider changing, because of her treatment towards me. But people will always let ya down, no matter where you go to church.

God is always faithful. So I write all of this to say I know how it is to be shunned.

Linda @ Truthful Tidbits